Nothing is actually scary
So why do we stop?
My partner is on the roof of the tiny house we are building.
She’s relaxed at the altitude, handily screwing down the metal roof panels.
And I’m happily on the ground passing panels up, giving her more screws, and replacing batteries in the Makita.
I’m way better at heights than I used to be but that roof was still outside my comfort zone. Same roof, same height off the ground, same structure — two completely different experiences. Hers is guaranteed to be more productive than mine.
And there are people a level above her who would have easily walked all over the places she was carefully crawling.
That’s too scary
A few years ago, a peer asked how I’d persuaded our C-suite to change two company policies so my team could be more effective. When I explained my process, he said “I could never do that, it’s too scary”. He was 100% serious.
At the time, I hadn’t considered that my process would be challenging for anyone — because it was a framework I’d been using for years. The hundreds of reps I’d done in the process made the outcomes predictable and the steps easy. Being afraid wasn’t even on my radar because I trusted the process.
Repeated steps = no fear
We don’t fear tasks we’ve automated. Do you fear turning on the faucet, starting your car, or walking? How about adding 27 + 43?
Repetition brings relaxation. This applies to everything.
Back when I struggled with social anxiety, talking with strangers (and sometimes people I knew) was a serious challenge and it restricted my professional advancement.
To eradicate my fears, I created a process of tiny steps that I still repeat today. The reps I did and do — eliminated my fear of people.
Deliberate practice
Growing up, my swimming coaches were constantly pushing me to repeat and improve my technique. Every day in the pool was a deliberate practice with baked in self awareness (most competitive swimmers that I know take this for granted).
Much has been written about the value of deliberate practice at improving performance — and it also eradicates fears.
The eradication of fear is a huge bonus of deliberate practice. And it’s a bonus we should be regularly talking about.
Three steps
I started eroding social anxiety with a simple, three step process.
- Start tiny. Social anxiety started eroding when I began asking retail clerks how their day was going.
- Have a plan. I had a timebox (2 minutes) and a script (“How’s your day going?”, “Thank you, I hope the rest of your day goes well.”)
- Self congratulate every rep. Virtual hi-5s!! and maybe even a “Sweet!”.
This process became my deliberate practice. That same process guided me through longer networking events, presenting, and public speaking.
Full disclosure: this process also made me a decent surfer, average race car driver, and gave me workplace promotions.
Your turn
So — where do you want to go?
What scares you — and you see it as an improvement in your life?
Can you see a place to start tiny?
You got this.
At 40 Percent Better, we train team leads how to dramatically improve both their team’s performance and their own careers.